


Unrequited

by chrkrose



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire & Related Fandoms, A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Modern Westeros, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-11-02 02:03:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20584409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrkrose/pseuds/chrkrose
Summary: Use your words wench.





	1. Chapter 1

Unrequited.

If she could choose a word to describe herself, that would be it. Which is weird, considering the sadness it brings with it. Definitely not the words others would use to describe her, but in the end the words were for her to use. For her to choose. They were all hers.

Words were always the way she dealt better with things, once she learned how to turn them from weapons used by others to hurt to something she could use to heal.

* * *

The first time she wrote about something, the first time she used her words, it was about Galladon. Her brother. The only person she ever felt close to, the only one who seemed to understand her on such a fundamental way.

She remembered clearly that day, the day he died.

The weeks, the months, even the year that followed it was not so clear to her, but the day it happened, it was crystal clear.

Still, she couldn’t bring herself to cry. Not that day, or the next week, or the first five years after.

She cried for other things. Cried when Ronnet Connington threw that rose in her face and laughed at her in front of the whole school during lunch when she was twelve. Cried because she had nobody to invite for her birthday party now that they were older and boys started to pay attention to how pleasing beauty looked like on girls and how she would never had that on herself. Cried when she was thrown face first against a rock and broke her nose (and her father told her he warned her about how she should not have gone swimming while the weather looked the way it did and how she should listen to him more because he loved her and only wanted to keep her safe. She thinks _that_ made her cry more than the actual broken nose).

Brienne cried for all the things she had a right to cry for, for the bullying, for feeling alone, for having to stand the stares of everyone because she liked to swim and to play lacrosse and because her shoulders were too broad, her skin too freckled, and her mouth too large and her hair never looked right and she even cried when she had her period for the first time because it was the worst thing ever, she dreaded it every month for making her feel even uglier than she already felt on a normal day. She cried for the words that were thrown at her, the words they used to talk about her behind her back. _Words are wind_ her father told her but she hurt anyway.

But she never cried for him. For Galladon. Never for him.

It was only when she was sixteen, when she reached one year after the age he was when he left, that’s when she broke. Her father hugged her through the night, solid and warm and with so much love to give to her, but in her mind all she could think about was _tomorrow I will have lived more than he had_ and she couldn’t bear the thought. She couldn’t. She felt like her chest was going to carve in itself.

She felt better then. The next day. Like six years of grief had lift from her shoulders and left her lighter.

Still, there was an itching she couldn’t quite understand, _something_ that made her grab her pencil and her notebook and kept crawling back every time she gave up putting into words whatever it was.

It became so overwhelming that she thought she was going to reach a breaking point again, she was terrified of it, terrified of having opened something she couldn’t quite control. It was only when she stopped fighting it that it came, as naturally as breathing. As easy as the wind.

* * *

_If you must leave_

_Leave as though fire burns under your feet_

_If you must speak_

_Speak every word as though it were unique_

_If you must die, sweetheart_

_Die knowing your life was my life's best part_

_\- about Galladon._

* * *

It was with Renly that she first thought about that word. _Unrequited_. Still, she didn’t quite understand it.

She met him at The University of Citadel. He was the first man who treated her with a kindness she was made to believe she never really deserved, even though she had longed for that for so long.

With Renly, came the friendships. His friendship. Loras. Margaery.

In the end she gained more than she lost. And the hurt changed to something soft.

Still, she liked to think she understood love. She understood what it meant, to love and to lose, to love and not being able to have it, the sweet ache.

* * *

As it turns out, she was wrong. Because she only fully grasped what it meant all of that when she met him.

Jaime.

* * *

At first she loathed him. Bought into all the rumors, his reputation, what people said behind his back. King’s Landing wasn’t kind to Jaime Lannister.

He didn’t make it any easier. Always arrogant. The golden lion, living up to everything they called him, and even more, if he could.

But there was something about him… something about the way he moved and spoke and the light behind his green eyes that caught her attention. That seemed to beg _ask me._ And so she did.

She asked.

* * *

_Golden child,_

_Lion boy;_

_Tell me what it’s like to conquer._

_Fearless man,_

_Broken man;_

_Tell me what it’s like to burn._

_\- about Jaime_.

* * *

After she felt ashamed. Of the judgment she so easily passed without even questioning what she was doing. For someone who lived so long being rejected by her book cover, she was quick to realize she was as capable of doing the same as everyone else.

So Brienne decided she would be more understanding. Of him, of his past, of his sins, of his secrets. Truth to be told, none of it ever tainted him the way he thought he was tainted (_I’m beyond repair wench_), not to her.

If there’s something she could never deny about Jaime Lannister was how beautiful he was to her eyes. And later, when she got to know the person beneath it, everything amplified.

It was like he wasn’t made of whatever she was made. _Half a god_ she would think to herself.

* * *

He trusted her, so she decided to trust him back. He wanted to know everything about her, so she decided she could be honest with him and give him whatever she could (whatever she was able to). He was still insufferable, annoying and a little bit childish, and had a thing for making her blush and push her to the edge, but it was _Jaime_ and it wouldn’t be him if he wasn’t all those things combined, so she accepted the whole package.

* * *

“_What is it that you write so much about?”_

“_Everything. Nothing in particular_”. (A lie).

“_Can I read it_?”

“_No_”

“_Why not?_”

“_It’s private Jaime.”_

_“Have you ever wrote about me wench?”_

“_No_” (Another lie).

“_Why are you blushing then?”_

_“I’m not- do you ever shut up?”_

* * *

Deep down, locked inside for nobody else to know, she wishes someone would write about her. Would look at her and feel something so impossible to contain inside themselves that they couldn’t help it. Writing words that make her pretty. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brienne’s personality is based on her book version instead of show version, although because it’s AU, it’s not 100% in character I think.

Jaime's kisses feel like sunlight.

Brienne feels like she can barely handle, her skin warm all over, blush spreading all over. It's wet and hot and the way his tongue tastes her mouth it's as if he can't get enough. The way his teeth drag on her lip, the way he _sucks_ her bottom lip it's just-

"_Jaime_" she pants against his mouth, but he doesn't let her finish, kisses her deep, his hand in her hair holding her head in place. It's another full minute, maybe two, before he breaks them apart, breaths against her lips, eyes closed. "_Jaime...?_"

She doesn't know what she's asking him, but he seems to know the answer. "_I just... you did that thing, with your teeth and your mouth, biting it and looked at me as if you don't know if you want to laugh or punch me and I can't... Brienne, I can't..._" and then he kisses her again, pulling her body to his, so close so close. Like he can't help it. Like whatever he's feeling, he can't contain in himself anymore.

She understands. She can't either.

* * *

Jaime is all over her. He leaves a wet trail from her lips to her neck, to her breasts and when he takes a nipple in his mouth, she feels warm all over her body.

"You blush everywhere." he says against her skin, grinning when she scowls at him for half a second. Soon the scowl gives place to eyes half closed, lips parted, Jaime's mouth on her belly, on her thigh, on her cunt.

"_Jaime_" Brienne breaths his name on a sigh, and when he sucks on her clit, she half moans, half screams. "_Jaime_!"

When it hits her, wave after wave after wave, it feels like she's floating.

He comes back up, kissing the same path he made on his way down, smiling when she trembles at the touch of his lips, kissing her deeply so she tastes herself on him.

"_Jaime, I need..._"

"_What? What do you need?_" he whispers on her ear, drops a kiss on her earlobe. Bites on her neck. Kisses her mouth again. "_Use your words wench. Tell me what you want_".

"_You. I want you_".

* * *

When he slides inside, slow and gentle but trembling, she locks her legs around his waist, wraps her arms around his neck, breaths heavy against his face.

"_Look at me Brienne_" She hadn't noticed her eyes were closed. "_Don't close your eyes. Don't stop looking at me. Let me see you_".

When he moves, she wants to close them again. Wants to give in to the urge of fluttering them shut, of drowning in the sensations of having her body and Jaime's joined as one, but he doesn't let her. Keeps saying her name, moaning her name, and she can't stop looking at his face like that, so close, so close and so open, and _hers_. He's all hers and she's all his and when she comes, her eyes on his, his name tumbling down from her lips, he fucks her through it. He kisses her then, coming with a groan, pushing her body against the bed, drowning with her.

* * *

He's already smiling when he opens the door, grabbing her hand and pulling her inside.

"_You're late wench._" He says, closing the door behind her and pushing her against it.

"_I'm not- huumpf_" Jaime kisses her before she can finish, breaking apart only when she doesn't remember anymore what she was arguing against.

"_Dinner's ready, and by the size of your purse it seems like you haven't brought any clothes to spend the night, have you? Which means-"_

"- _that I won't spend the night_". She says, to annoy him. But they both know it's not true. She has some spare change from the last time she stayed over and it's not like she can't wear one of his.

"-_that you'll be naked the whole weekend_". 

She laughs, slapping him lightly on his arm, letting him pull her away from the door and into the kitchen.

* * *

"_I write about you, you know. Sometimes"._

"_W-what?_"

"_I write about you. Used to write more, before we were together._"

"_I... Jaime..._"

"_Hey hey why it seems like you're about to cry? Come here. I wrote good things about you sweetheart, I swear._"

"_It's n- it's not that. Can I read it?_"

"_If you promise you won't laugh. They are kind of cheesy. I just... I felt a lot and it helped dealing with it. When I thought you didn't love me back. Now I just say it to your face or kiss you or fuck you and I don't feel like I'm loosing my mind thinking about you all the time_".

* * *

Pieces of paper torn from all kinds of places - even a napkin from the Dornish restaurant they went to since they first started hanging out - spread in front of her while she goes through them, trying to remember the dates written down, trying to place them in the time line of their story. 

* * *

_You are a gentle, loving person_

_Who has been told by too many people_

_That you are difficult to love_

_And therein lies your torment_

  * _who are you? (about Brienne, xx/xx/xxxx)_

_Damn_

_Just look at her_

_Look at those beautiful flaws_

  * _? (about Brienne, xx/xx/xxxx)_

_I wanted to crawl into her neck_

_And kiss everything she’d thought I’d hate_

  * _kiss (about Brienne, xx/xx/xxxx)_

_Your skin_

_Smells_

_Like light_

_I think you are_

_The_

_Moon._

  * _Wench (about Brienne, xx/xx/xxxx) _

_I don’t know how it is you’re so familiar to me-_

_Why it feels less like I’m getting to know you_

_and more as though I am remembering_

_who you are._

_How every smile, every whisper_

_every whimper, every touch_

_brings me closer to the impossible conclusion_

_that I have known you before_

_that I have loved you before -_

_In a different time, a different place -_

_in some other existence._

  * _soulmate (about Brienne, xx/xx/xxxx)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m a cheesy person don’t mind him. But so is Jaime, so I guess we have that in common. 
> 
> All the poems are not written by me, credit to the fantastic writers that brought them to life.

**Author's Note:**

> None of the poems/music lyrics used here are my creation. Credit to the owners.


End file.
